Fanfiction Notification

Anyway... aside from that emo-centric post... I shall note that that was my second post on this blog and this is now my third! Yay! XDXD

This is just a bit of news for you, if you came to this log through my FF.net account, I want you to know that I am working on a new Zelda/Link (yes, I have played Twilight Princess now) piece, set in modern Hyrule- obviously AU. It's a humour/romance oneshot that has somehow shot past my usual thousand word oneshots and it now at about four thousand. Whew... so we'll see how far it gets.

And also expect an EdxWinry follow up piece sometime in the near-ish future. Yes... a follow up on that awfully-writtin, really OOC oneshot called "Glass Dreams" that I posted about ten months ago. This time it will be from Edward's POV and mostly deals with him and Al trying to get back home. There is a great deal of fluffiness and happiness at the end, though, so don't sweat too much. I'm aiming for a good ending that might make people cry, but I was never good at pulling emotions out of people, so we'll see... hahaha...

Just FWI, these two pieces were not announced in my profile because my profile has not been updated for quite a while, and they're basically just side jobs.

I like to think that my writing has improved since last year, but of course, it's me... so how would I be able to accurately judge whether the quality of my writing is better? XD Lucky you- you get to decide in a little while when I post it! (Expect the ZeLink oneshot out first.)

So, drop me a note, if you want.

Amour, Mariko.

"Everyone's special, Dash."

I strive to be myself, but I am still only a cheap imitation. What I do, there will always be someone better. Always. In a way, it keeps me humble, but at the same time, it leaves me feeling frustrated with myself for not being able to be better, to excel. I strive to be myself, but what comes of it… is only an average girl who isn’t anything special.

I was never an especially popular person outside my own circle of friends, and that was and is okay with me.

One of the qualities people praise in me is that I can quietly lead people. But, how can I lift others up when I have so little value for my own self-worth? If I had a higher self-value, would I have a greater, positive influence on others?

My mother says I have a fear of failure. How can I have a fear of failure when I know that I won’t succeed, even with my hardest efforts exerted? So far, all my life, there has never been anything I could do that was singularly special. Someone could always pray better, comfort better, talk to people better, vault better, sing better, write better. You know the drill.

Perhaps it is this very attitude that creates in me an under-appreciation for myself, though I seek to alleviate it. In my search to find myself, I’ve inadvertently ensnared myself by comparing myself to others.

And I realize that maybe this has unconsciously rubbed off onto others. Have you heard of “vibes”? They catch that vibe that I have little self-respect, and thus, they subconsciously treat me accordingly so. I don’t blame them. Not that they treat me like dirt, but I don't know... I guess maybe they treat me like I'm awkward or in the way or something. It's kind of obscure, hidden behind a smiling facade...

But.......

I believe the first step in becoming a better person is not by trying to change the surrounding, but by changing the inside. The attitude and core values. I admit, it’s hard to work on those. I’ll tell the truth: I haven’t tried to fix those.

I suppose I haven't tried because I am too used to being in my comfort zone, and they above-mentioned fear of failure probably subconsciously works its way into my mind.

How am I to fix these? How can I find the self-discipline in me (I lack a lot of self-discipline) to be able to fix these problems?