"Eyes are the windows to the soul" ~Unknown

I disagree.

There's just something about music that can speak so eloquently.

I love music. It's one of my joys in life, along with (have you guessed?) writing. The thrill I feel when I hear a tune for the first time that... how to put it without sounding ridiculously cheesy?... connects with me. Funny that, as a writer, I connect quicker with the melody - not the lyrics - of a song.

Music touches you in some innate way, more than anything else ever could. Beyond the most poetic words and the loveliest expressions, music speaks to the human soul the most profoundly. Music inspires; it gives and it takes. It needs no language; it is.

It's mysterious - one melody is put together to form something beyond what words can say. Tiny atoms are thrown together, in this cosmic universe, without accident to create something beautiful.

But... couple the music with words, and you have something that can give warmth and melt a frozen statue.

It's strange what music can do. It can throw me into a completely different mood, or I can lose myself in it. One instance, late at night, one song even made me cry. Sad songs can make my heart ache; the voices that sing are filled with such an aching and longing that I can't help but feel it too.

The deep chords, the right instruments, and the pure notes, and an expressive voice can do wonders. I can easily lose myself in music, however lame my musical taste (I can't help my pathetic taste). Lots of times, I will just zone out when I listen to music. Why?

It reaches somewhere deep inside me, past my subconscious, into my core - into what gives me hope, sadness, what makes my heart weep or leap for joy. Somewhere, the music rushes down into my being, and releases my imagination. When I hear good music, my mind goes soaring. Bits of stories, flashes of feelings, snippets of emotions, even vivid colors - I see these, in my mind's eye, as different pieces capture different parts of me.

But what intrigues me is that these feelings and emotions aren't mine. They belong to the writer of such a piece. How can one being pour so much of his heart and soul into one chord, one progression of notes, one resounding chorus, so that the listener feels what they feel? And so acutely?

The writer and listener both, for one short moment in eternity, transcend time and space and beat with one heart.

That, truly, is the essence of being human.

what makes you different makes you beautiful

Last fall, when I went to visit my old gym coach, she told me, "Don't change."

God..... she's so right. Maria's always had good advice, but I didn't realize what she meant by it.

To change yourself to become someone's idea of a better person is ridiculous, stupid, and just plain BS.

But at the same time, to stay static is to refuse change, improvement, and growth..... How can I word this the way I'm trying to say it?

Don't change your looks, your ideas and opinions, your person to satisfy someone else. Don't stay static out of fear you'll become different. Grow as a person, but don't degrade yourself by succumbing to the demands and the pressure of others to become someone you aren't and never will be. No matter how hard it is, stay true to yourself.

I know it's cliche, how everyone says "Be true to yourself". The thing is, they never tell you how difficult it is, how it may happen without you realizing it. And they never tell you how difficult it is to go back to being yourself after you've been impersonating others for so long.

There was nothing wrong with me last year, when I listened to alternative music, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, and laughed when I felt like it. People liked me for me because I didn't care what other people thought.

Somehow, sometime last spring, I became different; I paid more attention to what people thought of me and I cared. @$&%! I became one of them.

But no more.

I am me.

Don't like it? Sucks for you, cause there is nothing you can do about it. There is no reason I should change myself to please others; if changing myself for you is what I have to do to be approved, you weren't worth my time in the first place.

Nostalgia is like a grammar lesson: You find the present tense and the past perfect. ~Unknown

I both hate and love how life is.

There are those special times in your life when you're happy. You know them: small, fleeting moments or long days that you wish would never, ever end.

I love those. Those are the times that you look back on and smile.

It reminds me of a well known saying that goes like: "Let the good times roll."

However, I've always thought that there was a missing phrase in that quote. What comes after that, when the good times come to an end? Change?

See, I've never really been one for change. In fact, I was diagnosed with Adjustment Disorder earlier this year, in October. Yes, there really is such a disorder...

But I have learned, over the course of my life (my meager seventeen years), that a lot of times, changes bring good things.

When you later reflect on what's changed in your life, (ideally) you can hardly imagine how things were before. =]

Changes, no matter how much we wish they wouldn't come, are inevitable and they move us forward.

It's just.. always hard to say goodbye.

And saying goodbye is what I hate the most.

<3 Mariko

___________________________________
Flames to dust... Lovers to friends..
Why do all good things come to an end?
~All Good Things by Nelly Furtado

Still on the face of this planet...

After two years in the FMA fandom, I am pleased to announce that........

Your dearest Mariko is finally caught up on all things Full Metal Alchemist!

I spent this past weekend relaxing after my school performance of Godspell by catching up on the manga (about thirty chapters' worth) and finally, finally starting the new 2009 anime. All caught up on the first eight episodes, and I am highly anticipating the release of Funi's dubbed version. I know that their dub projects are always kept on the down low, and it probably won't come out for another year, but I'm pretty stoked that most of the original voice actors will be returning. Call me stupid, but Edward Elric is not Edward Elric unless Vic Mignogna is doing his voice. Paku Romi is good, but I love the fact that a man is actually doing Ed's English voice. LOL

Speaking of the anime, my favorite moment in the new series is in (was it?) Episode 5. It was when Ed and Al were in Tucker's library and Nina came along wanting to play because her father, the abominable Shou, was too busy studying. Edward had a flashback to when he and Al were peeking into Hohenheim's study back in Resembool when they were younger, and then he threw down his book and went outside to play with them. It just made me go "awww", and then the EdWin fangirl in me started brainstorming for a new Ed/Winry fanfiction piece.

And I'm all caught up on the manga now, so I actually know what's going on, and WOW. I am so excited for next month's chapter. Everything is getting so close now; I could care less (not reall) about the coup in Central as long as I get to see Ed and Winry get together. Chapter 84, I believe it was, was so amazing. :P

In other FMA news, one of my fellow anime/manga freak friends got to go to the Fanime in San Jose, this past weekend! I couldn't go, since I had Godspell, but she promised to get me some Hagaren merchandise, something I am desperately short on. Since, well, I don't really have any FMA merchandise at all, besides the manga books, but those don't really count. Yes, I'm just that broke. Plus, one of my dreams is to go to Comic Con, and I have to save for THAT. lol.

Anyways, while Annie was at Fanime, I was at the TOSPS performing the musical Godspell. It was amazing! And if you've ever done anything theater-related, you know that the week before a performance is jam-packed with rehearsals, last minute changes, stress, and just overall busyness. You hardly spend any time at home because your become consumed with the production. But that, in my opinion, is what makes it all worth it by the end.

So mostly, that's how my week went. I spent a wonderful Memorial Day simply doing nothing, except now that almost everything I was doing this year has started coming to an end, I think I'm going through withdrawals because my brain thinks I have nothing else to consume my time with. Hahaha...

Haiyaku, FMA, for another chapter and episode, so I have something to give my life to! :P Because I'm just that pathetic.

Love, Mariko. <3